When I’m trying to think about my social experience in life, today and growing up - I sense a theme, but it is hard to articulate. I’ll try:
In the good American movies, you’d have the “cool” kids, the popular ones - they would have their groups, their jokes, their specific interests, their way of dressing. And on the other side, you’d have the nerds - the ones with weird interests, who are socially awkward, not good with women or interactions, but are smart, curious, love learning, school, etc.
In those movies, even though the nerds are the outliers in social interactions - they will have their inner group, their inner jokes. They might not be accepted by the rest of their school, but they will have one another. Think of The Big Bang Theory - a group of nerds who are very out-of-distribution from society, but they have each other.
I was neither.
On one hand - I was very strong-minded, loud & opinionated, not easily pushed by others - the kind of characteristics you’d associate with the “cool” kids. I had a level of charisma and social mobility that allowed me to talk to, and make friends with, the cools. But I wasn’t one of them. I was different from them, and that made them not embrace me fully (neither did I want them to). I wasn’t there all the time because I had my other interests. I did not speak about football or reality TV - but rather - about apps, software, books, movies, history, philosophy, destiny. None of which they cared for.
On the other hand - I was a super nerd. My hobbies, my interests, my love of learning (though on my own), my topics of conversation, what I’d do after and during school - everything. In fact, I was one of the nerdiest of all.
Yet, I was never accepted by the nerds either. I was “too cool” for them. Not in a funny way - it just made them suspicious of me and my intentions. They either never gave me a chance to be part of their group from the very beginning because of the way I looked and spoke, or they were full of jealousy that I had the things they always craved, and wanted me to stay out of their cool-free safe haven. I was too well-spoken, too opinionated, fairly good-looking, with high emotional intelligence.
In fact, not only was I not accepted by either of them - I was, a couple of times throughout my life, sabotaged by both groups because they associated me with the other and did not want to let me in. I was not invited, was lied to, laughed at, and (attempted) bullied by the cools many, many times. But soon I grew not to care. As I said - I have had a very strong character.
And I was looked down on by the nerds, explicitly excluded from after-school groups, trips, and hobbies. I was actively argued against in special “smart” groups, army interviews, investments - because I was supposed to be in the nerds’ group, but something just did not align well.
So here I was, groupless, but full of wants. So I ought to figure these things out myself. I was not invited to the after-school coding group? I might as well learn it by myself and do better. Not invited to the cool kids’ party? That’s okay, I can organize my own party at home and invite people.
That theme is with me every single day, to this day. For good and bad - I just don’t fit into people’s worldviews. They often dismiss me as fake altogether, so I - again and again - do the thing on my own. With other founders, investors, smart kids in SF, and the cool kids in SF - I just in my own weird lane, not fitting, yet not too far off. Somewhere weirdly near.
Adam
